(From 2008… what a trip it’s been.)
So I’ve gone through some pretty big changes over the past year.
Not the least of which were both an end to a relationship, and a move. Those are just two of many.
And it’s not just happening to me – most everyone I know has been experiencing these same fundamental shifts.
We all go through changes – but these changes, for both me and these others, have been profound – not just in logistics or relationship, but in mindset and consciousness.
Initially, it felt like being tossed into a pretty big whirlwind – and “Dorothy moments” are not exactly the times where one begins healthy self-examination… you’re too busy waiting for the house to stop spinning.
But sooner or later, one might stop and say “hey… wait just a minute here!”
Which I did.
I’ve never been an out-and-out doormat… but when I look back through my life, there have been countless times where I didn’t advocate for myself. I was a “go along to get along” kind of person – and what resulted was an emptiness, because I wasn’t insisting on what I needed… from a partner, or a client, a friend, or, most importantly – from myself.
I went through life expecting that sooner or later, things would change for me…. that my partners would give the love I needed, that my music would be recognized for what I’ve always known it should be… that, in some fundamental way, I’d feel complete – if I just kept waiting – and being the awesome full-of-love-and-potential me that is me.
See, I had unconsciously come to see myself as a work-in-progress… that I was full of potential, and that at some point I’d have fixed what I needed to fix, and then my life would really begin.
And then it hit me – here I was, living in a town that everyone was saying would someday come around. And I was in a relationship that we were hoping would come around. And here was me, waiting for me to come around.
But it was ALL. JUST. WAITING.
Which is when I began actively seeking these fundamental changes… and what drove them was something I’ve come to call “Personal Sovereignty” – being adamant about fairly fulfilling one’s own needs. Now we’re not talking “greed is good” or being a “me” person… I never have been, and the day I start being so, please come and put me out of my misery.
But what I have come to realize is that when I do advocate for myself, it allows me to be the best person I can – for me, for a partner, a client, my son and the world at large. It’s a well-worn quote, but I never tire of it – especially now:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
I am now learning to put the theory of Personal Sovereignty to practice – the most challenging part being… insisting on more from my self.
If you don’t love and care for yourself the way you’d like the world to, why would you expect the world to?
In other words, why expect more from the universe than you’d expect from yourself?
Nope – Personal Sovereignty is NOT about laying back and expect that the universe just loves you… the toughest part is that it requires, by its’ very nature, that YOU stand up and love first. Yes, it’s about expectations – but most importantly, it’s about expectations of oneself – and a primary shift in one’s awareness. It also means an entirely different level of responsibility – which is the scariest part.
But the most beautiful aspect of Personal Sovereignty is that through it, one begins to find one’s own positive power. If I’m empowered, I can be a positive force for change. I can bring more beautiful art into the world. Be a better friend / lover / parent / citizen of the world.
I can be the best ME.
I’d love to say I’ve got this licked. Nope – still a work-in-progress. And some days are wayyy harder than others – but when I can manage it, I try to operate through Personal Sovereignty… it not only helps me navigate this messhuganah* world, but gives me a central reference point – and makes me a better, more effective being – for me, and those around me as well.
Love to all,
(*so am I the only one who finds it kind of cool that, when doing a google search to check the spelling of this word, and accidentally being in image search. the one result was a Boss Guitar Effects Pedal???)
This is beautifully written and honest account of what many people go through at one point or other in their life. Thanks for sharing.
I’ve had just such a shift myself in the past 1-2 years, resulting from the ending of a long, abusive relationship.
Again we meet on the tendril of time and experience.
I Miss you everywhere else.